War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Adversity introduces a man to himself.

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

The earth is a mosaic, and most fail to notice the gossamer tesserae floating down from the realm of the mind that form its images of beauty and horror.

The good old days are now.

At the end of the day, the true value proposition of education is employment.

It is the responsibility of Afghanistan's new government to gain better control over the country's administration and to resolutely fight the drug trade and corruption.

Death is repose, but the thought of death disturbs all repose.

no person will ever get into my blood as a place can ... People and things pass away, but not places.

Ultimately, I'm not so sure that, as a person, I'm all that interesting.

Whenever they rebuild an old building, they must first of all destroy the old one.