I think everyone should own six guns, even though I don't own any.

I think Helen of Troy must have been pretty hot. She got two countries going crazy for 10 years over her.

You can’t make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.

I know nowadays the common wisdom is to celebrate diversity as long as you don't point out that people are different.

I'm just another guy who thinks he's smarter than he is, in a long line of them.

The ancient Greeks were the first ones to say an unexamined life is not worth living. They don't tell you of course what we found out, an examined life not that fascinating either.

The earth is a used Kleenex on the universe's nightstand.

Twitter is one of those dangerous toys that if it gets in the hands of the wrong person you'll have the mind of a 12-year-old masquerading as an adult.

So instead of talking about theoretical ways of ending the war and violence, I say that we have to get rid of the individual asholes in each office and situation.

People say history is boring, and that is true because people are boring. We haven't changed since time began. We're still the same.

I get the impression the English kings were witty, for some reason. I feel like all you had was your wit.

Har. Bloody. Har.

The word of God is the best medicine for all times.

Government can contribute to a shared sense of purpose on the part of the citizenry that's its highest and best application.

There is so much to do on a film set. It is an extraordinarily invigorating and wonderful place to be, when things are running well.

I think if you truly believe that something should be that way then you should push for that.

I'm for tax reform, not tax increases.

We need to remember that politics is all about people, not programs. We shouldn't want to take the humanness out of the political arena.

My intention is to make music that you can enjoy at all times.

An eye for an eye? How Christian of you.' Unbelievers always want other people to act like Christians.

What would I do without you? You're never going to find out.