Trump has officially changed his name to Ronald because he's such a clown, and in sympathy his toupée is changing its name to Bozo.

What do you call a comedian who runs for president? A trump card.

Trump appeals to right-wingnuts because when the going gets tough, they wig out.

Did evangelical Christians mistake Donald Trump's hairpiece for a halo, while ignoring the obvious signs that he worships Mammon?

Donald Trump has taken the Peter Principle to unprecedented heights. Or is it depths?

If brevity is the soul of wit then brevity and levity are the whole of it.

It's not that every leaf must finally fall, it's just that we can never catch them all.

Trump appeals to the disaffected by loudly trumpet-ing what they want to hear: other people are always the problem, and the solution is to either put them in their proper place or get rid of them.

Many presidents have believed in God, but Donald Trump evidently believes that he is God.

Teddy Roosevelt spoke softly and carried a big stick; Donald Trump speaks loudly and carries a big shtick.

It's simply not true that Donald Trump has no experience in foreign affairs. Hell, two of his foreign affairs resulted in marriages!

Life's true value and meaning can only be known if we speak for the truth, not for our advocacy, but for the truth itself.

The news is glorified gossip.

He who gets the best players usually wins.

We eat the way we live.

If you treat your feelings with as much love as you treat your dog or your cat or your child you'll feel as if you were living in heaven.

Well," he sighed to no one in particular, and looked up into yet another alien sky. "Here we are again.

When you get to the top, stay there and make sure other women join you.

You half fancied that to go in as it was rising and dipping at the same time.

I can't write about your pain; I only know my own.

With anything, you have to approach from an educational, mature standpoint.