Trump appeals to right-wingnuts because when the going gets tough, they wig out.

What do you call a comedian who runs for president? A trump card.

Did evangelical Christians mistake Donald Trump's hairpiece for a halo, while ignoring the obvious signs that he worships Mammon?

Donald Trump has taken the Peter Principle to unprecedented heights. Or is it depths?

If brevity is the soul of wit then brevity and levity are the whole of it.

It's not that every leaf must finally fall, it's just that we can never catch them all.

Trump appeals to the disaffected by loudly trumpet-ing what they want to hear: other people are always the problem, and the solution is to either put them in their proper place or get rid of them.

Many presidents have believed in God, but Donald Trump evidently believes that he is God.

Teddy Roosevelt spoke softly and carried a big stick; Donald Trump speaks loudly and carries a big shtick.

It's simply not true that Donald Trump has no experience in foreign affairs. Hell, two of his foreign affairs resulted in marriages!

When I was being bullied, I had to learn not to judge myself by the opinions of intolerant morons. Then I felt much better.

A girl should be two things: who and what she wants.

For the human soul is virtually indestructible, and its ability to rise from the ashes remains as long as the body draws breath.

Enough regret can crush any man, living or dead.

The human condition: lost in thought.

The important work of moving the world forward does not wait to be done by perfect men.

Nothing was to be lost by beginning at the beginning.

If a person thinks he can be happy without making those around him happy, he's crazy.

Holding on to the weak is called strength.

Whenever you do die people remember you, so it's not completely over. You don't 100 percent die when you die ever, because people still know who you were.

When it don’t rain, the roof don’t leak; when it rains, I can’t fix it nohow.