Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, advocates and jurors.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Joy is a deeply felt contentment that transcends difficult circumstances and derives maximum enjoyment from every good experience.

The days on which one has been the most inquisitive are among the days on which one has been happiest.

It's not the game, Zee. It's the fame. Everyone wants to be affiliated with a winner.

Some folks are wise and some are otherwise.

I always wear a dinner jacket. I never have this definition of what goes for the morning or the evening or what works for the weekend.

I’m restless. Things are calling me away. My hair is being pulled by the stars again.

I do better singing female songs because my voice is so high-pitched.

No one knows just how the idea of a soul or the supernatural started... It probably had its origin in the general laziness of mankind.

... if you take a risk, two things will happen. People will laugh at you. Or you'll be way ahead of everybody else. And if that's what you're in it for, then you gotta take that risk.

The primary asset of any business is its organization.