To write an autobiography of Groucho Marx would be as asinine as to read an autobiography of Groucho Marx.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

Wisdom frees men, even if they are in prison.

Take me inside. Show me if a fireman knows how to start a fire.

I travel all the time. I'm very restless you know.

You can have fun, but when it is time to work, work hard and be focused.

And, perhaps most importantly, regional conflicts will again and again confront us with a cruel choice between costly engagement and costly indifference.

A tragedy need not have blood and death; it's enough that it all be filled with that majestic sadness that is the pleasure of tragedy.

Rereading Candide, I was struck by the link between optimism and the optimal, the idea that we have been placed in this optimal world rather than some other.

Marry...into a family that will enable your children to feel proud of both sides of the house.

Art is more than a product of your efforts - it should be about feeling, life, attitude, soul.

Cricketers like Sachin come once in a lifetime and I am privileged he played in my time