Tiger Woods is stupid; not for cheating, but for having one cell phone. What type of player you know has one cell phone?

Challenge yourself with something you know you could never do, and what you'll find is that you can overcome anything son.

A kid asked me for advise about getting into entertainment? I said you better know how to be happy being broke!

Rise and grind... the money ain't gonna wait for you while you sleep son.

The best thing about where comedy is now is if you have a little bit of talent and a strong work ethic, and strong social skills, you can make a name for yourself and you can make money.

Chicks can make you flip more than any drug would.

Live life to the fullest everyday, 'cause we never know what day will be our last.

If Elvis is alive, Tupac is alive. I saw Tupac on 46th Street selling Biggie t-shirts 2 for 10 dollars.

When I started off in DC, you didn't get viral first. You got funny first.

That's why when I talk to younger comics, and they say, 'Well I need this and this, and I need so and so,' I tell them they don't need nothing. All you need is some great idea and go shoot it.

I just had a baby girl. My daughter weighed 27 pounds. She was 3 years old. She was delivered to me by way of the court system and a blood test.

Dont trust in life and expect that it will betray you in any time

Delusion is not just fantasy but compulsion.

I've always been a pretty candid person. I'm not a very secretive person I'm not a very discreet person. One of my best friends once described me as pathologically indiscreet.

Let's go tell everyone we meet that, when the American dream is at stake, you want Barack Obama in charge.

At first laying down, as a fact fundamental, That nothing with God can be accidental.

I view my strongest competition as myself. You're always trying to top yourself, rather than worrying about what other people are doing.

It was such a relief to program in user mode for a change. Not having to care about the small stuff is wonderful.

I don't really remember my folks singing to us, but they read to us.

Being a recording artist and having thousands of people listening to your music and singing your songs, and paying for it? It feels great!

Memory is a fascinating trickster. Words and images have enormous power and can easily displace actual experience over the years.