I just had a baby girl. My daughter weighed 27 pounds. She was 3 years old. She was delivered to me by way of the court system and a blood test.

Challenge yourself with something you know you could never do, and what you'll find is that you can overcome anything son.

A kid asked me for advise about getting into entertainment? I said you better know how to be happy being broke!

Rise and grind... the money ain't gonna wait for you while you sleep son.

The best thing about where comedy is now is if you have a little bit of talent and a strong work ethic, and strong social skills, you can make a name for yourself and you can make money.

Tiger Woods is stupid; not for cheating, but for having one cell phone. What type of player you know has one cell phone?

Chicks can make you flip more than any drug would.

Live life to the fullest everyday, 'cause we never know what day will be our last.

If Elvis is alive, Tupac is alive. I saw Tupac on 46th Street selling Biggie t-shirts 2 for 10 dollars.

When I started off in DC, you didn't get viral first. You got funny first.

That's why when I talk to younger comics, and they say, 'Well I need this and this, and I need so and so,' I tell them they don't need nothing. All you need is some great idea and go shoot it.

Equality is not the empirical claim that all groups of humans are interchangeable

Today could be the day you live at your creative best.

Do me a favor? Be a gentleman tomorrow?

I know this independence is what people like most about my brand.

We become intoxicated with color, with words that speak of color, and with the sun that makes colors brighter.

Any cell, tissue, or organ is capable of crying for attention, and when you give it some, the healing process begins.

The Iraqi regime is a threat of unique urgency. [...] It has developed weapons of mass death.

It’s not the place that matters, It’s how good you are when you get there.” -Rylann

We may not live in the past, but the past lives in us.