A kid asked me for advise about getting into entertainment? I said you better know how to be happy being broke!

Challenge yourself with something you know you could never do, and what you'll find is that you can overcome anything son.

Rise and grind... the money ain't gonna wait for you while you sleep son.

The best thing about where comedy is now is if you have a little bit of talent and a strong work ethic, and strong social skills, you can make a name for yourself and you can make money.

Tiger Woods is stupid; not for cheating, but for having one cell phone. What type of player you know has one cell phone?

Chicks can make you flip more than any drug would.

Live life to the fullest everyday, 'cause we never know what day will be our last.

If Elvis is alive, Tupac is alive. I saw Tupac on 46th Street selling Biggie t-shirts 2 for 10 dollars.

When I started off in DC, you didn't get viral first. You got funny first.

That's why when I talk to younger comics, and they say, 'Well I need this and this, and I need so and so,' I tell them they don't need nothing. All you need is some great idea and go shoot it.

I just had a baby girl. My daughter weighed 27 pounds. She was 3 years old. She was delivered to me by way of the court system and a blood test.

(...) My mind is like a racing engine, tearing itself to pieces because it is not connected up with the work for which it was built.

Our passions are like convulsion fits, which, though they make us stronger for a time, leave us the weaker ever after.

The only problem with the "children of Reagan" line is it reminds you that Marco Rubio is the young candidate.

I play drums and guitar, I snowboard, I do martial arts and acrobatics. I go to the movies every Friday.

If you hug someone goodbye and their response is what the hell are you doing? - you may want to examine you're definition of close friend.

A knowledge of mankind and of things that surround us gives us that second education which proves far move valuable than our first because it alone turns out a truly accomplished man.

For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it.

Nor is it enough to toughen up his soul; you must also toughen up his muscles.

We are always the most violent against those whom we have injured.

I'll get mobbed by literally 40 school girls. It's like being a full fledged star, and that's surreal.