There's two kinds of press that you get when you put out a TV show: The reviews, and the people that just decide what the reviews say.

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.

The greatest thing about having a child is putting yourself second in your own life. It's a massive gift to be able to say you're not the most important person to yourself.

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

I have a lot of beliefs... and I live by none of them...

My kids used to love math. Now it makes them cry. Thanks standardized testing and common core!

When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Leave the dude alone and he'll figure it out.

Everything is amazing and nobody is happy

What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you

One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.

It is better to live with great faith than in fear.

God is the inevitability of humanity’s search for true meaning.

You may have made some mistakes, but just like a parent helps their child when they are learning to walk, God will help you get right back up anytime you fall.

There can be a fundamental gulf of gracelessness in a human heart which neither our love nor our courage can bridge.

At the after-party of the Indy 500, I'm usually wearing jeans and a tank top.

I had a career for 25 years in Australia before I ever came to the United States.

Atheism exists only in coldness, selfishness, and baseness.

Everything's connected, and everything has meaning if you look for it.

Mourn not the dead that in the cool earth lie... But rather mourn the apathetic throng - The cowed and the meek - Who see the world's great anguish and its wrong And dare not speak!

The teachers of this country, one may say, have its future in their hands.