There is probably more invisible tape out there than we realize.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

Life can only be live with great courage.

We hear only our own voices, still echoes returning to our emptiness.

My fat cells have a memory like Einstein! I'm proof that surgery is not a magic potion. There are many ways to sabotage it.

It's easier in an urban world to cast the blame outward. So I've learned a lot about my own process in that way.

The secret of achieving prosperity lies in so vividly keeping yourself centered in the inner focus of affluence that you literally exude the consciousness of it.

Religion is never the problem; it's the people who use it to gain power.

They that die by famine die by inches.

Your urge to control life controls you.

Marriages should culminate on account of the wishes of the couple. It is their knitting of the hearts that should lead to marriages.

There never will exist anything permanently noble and excellent in the character which is a stranger to resolute self-denial.