The only place you're sure to find love is at the end of a letter from your mother.

Some golfers fantasize about playing in a foursome with Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus, and Sam Snead. The way I hit I'd rather play in a foursome with Helen Keller, Ray Charles, and Stevie Wonder.

We learn so many things from golf: how to suffer, for instance.

On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. The other 20 percent lied.

I'll always remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine.

Someone once told me that there is more to life than golf. I think it was my ex-wife.

I used to go to the driving range to practice driving without slicing. Now I go to practice slicing without swearing.

In Minnesota it's so cold some nights you have to wear two condoms.

Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off.

My psychiatrist prescribed a game of golf as an antidote to the feelings of euphoria I experience from time to time.

What's the point of washing off your ball when teeing off on a water hole?

All things one has forgotten scream for help in dreams.

By disobeying immoral orders, that individual preserves the institution's highest rank - dignity.

The longer the explanation, the bigger the lie.... Always remember that.

If you have ideas, you have the main asset you need, and there isn't any limit to what you can do with your business and your life. Ideas are any man's greatest asset.

As a child I made a pact with my mother. I agreed that we were doomed, that she and I abided together in a cocoon of melancholy.

Freud is finished, Einstein's next.

The world is a great stage on which God displays his many wonders.

It was pride that changed angels into devils; it is humility that makes men as angels.

With electricity we were wired into a new world, for electricity brought the radio, a "crystal set" and with enough ingenuity, one could tickle the crystal with a cat's whisker and pick up anything.

The power of the future lies not in the hands of those who believe in scarcity but of those who trust God's abundance.