The last person to get across that town in under three hours was yelling "The British are coming! The British are coming!"

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.

If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!

When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out.

You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

Whether you are 16 or 60, it is never too late to make your life better.

Penguins don't waste their time trying to fly. They’re unique. They know they were built for the water.

Pay attention to your body. The point is everybody is different. You have to figure out what works for you.

The children of this world and the adults of this world are in entirely separate boats and only drift near each other when we need a ride from someone or when someone needs us to wash our hands.

Prayer is life passionately wanting, wishing, desiring God's triumph. Prayer is life striving, toiling everywhere and everywhen for that ultimate victory.

I did a rendition of Billie Jean which is on my Soundcloud. I put it on Twitter, and it got about 3000 hits that day.

Our thoughts, our language, are always at a distance from whatever they're trying to describe. We have other kinds of languages, like mathematics, like music, like art, but there's always that gap.

You have your vision and you need to be focused, but you have to listen. I never felt a sense that the wheels were going to come off because we're all friends and family. It was all good.

You don't win games as a coach during games. You win games as a coach before games. Players win during games, not coaches

[Donald] Trump November 2016 could truly be the long-awaited wake-up call America desperately needs.