The audience usually has to be with you, I'm afraid. I always regarded myself as not even preaching to the converted, I was titillating the converted.

Life is like a piano. What you get out of it depends on how you play it.

Once the rockets are up, who cares where they come down ? That's not my department.

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!

If I can't get people to commit themselves on whether or not there is a square root of two, then I won't touch on God or anything here

I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up.

Political satire became obsolete when they awarded Henry Kissinger the Nobel Peace Prize.

On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.

It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.

I went from adolescence to senility, trying to bypass maturity.

Always predict the worst, and you'll be hailed as a prophet.

Sometimes you don’t get the answers you want. That doesn’t mean God isn’t listening

Adolescence represents an inner emotional upheaval, a struggle between the eternal human wish to cling to the past and the equally powerful wish to get on with the future.

Joy is not a thing, it is in us.

Adherents of the new religious right reject the separation of politics and religion, but they bring no spiritual insights to politics.

When the slave auctioneer asked in what he was proficient, he replied, "In ruling people."

The stories that are too personally vulnerable to write are the ones that must be told.

Casebook is my attempt at a love story. I had a vision of a difficult love.

A man he was to all the country dear, And passing rich with forty pounds a year.

See how he throws his baited lines about,/And plays his men as anglers play their trout.

Theatres are built because they were the boards for entertainment.