The United States have developed a new weapon that destroys people but it leaves buildings standing. It's called the stock market.

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

She wished, as almost all kids wish at one point or another, that she could turn into a pterodactyl and fly away and never come back.

A closed mouth catches no flies.

Maybe you don't just have one Goliath. Maybe you have his whole family!

Oh, he's not like that, " said Favonius.Jason flinched. "You can read my

As for performing live, I just never imagined how it would work out; for good reason, because it doesn't just work out - not the way you think it will. It's a chance that you take.

As soon as an actress is past 40, they call her a grande dame. As long as I'm here in good health, I'm stable.

I wouldn't say I wanna conquer the world anymore. But I want to be a part of making the world a better place. I want to inspire people and I wanna be part of the solution.

Attacking People With Disabilities is the Lowest Display of Power I Can Think Of

But if Christians don’t get Jesus right, what chance is there that other people will bother much with him?

I never indulge in rhyme or stanza Unless I'm in bed with the influenza.