The Breakfast of Champions isn't cereal, it's the competition!

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

Money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.

I would just like to say that after all these years of heavy drinking, bright lights and late nights, I still don't need glasses. I drink right out of the bottle.

If you subtracted all of the great artists who never drank, who never went to excess, you wouldn't have any more art left. What kind of poem are you gonna get out of a glass of iced tea?

The perfect woman has an IQ of 150, wants to make love until 4 in the morning, then turns into a pizza!

When I die, sprinkle my ashes over the 80's.

I'm not conceited. Conceit is a fault and I have no faults.

Remember, life is just a game and no one gets out alive

If you want to split a bottle with a friend, then Sammy Hagar is your guy. If you want to split your friend with a bottle than give me a call.

If you put a Van Halen album in your record collection, it will melt all the rest of your records.

.nothing's perfect and that's perfect..

Some people seem to have a black belt in selfishness... ninja narcissists with no regard to how they impact those around them… but at the same time, a master at the art of playing victim.

To find a prince, you gotta kiss some toads.

Deals are my art form. Other people paint beautifully on canvas or write wonderful poetry. I like making deals, preferably big deals. That's how I get my kicks.

I believe that in a contest between the living and the almost living, the latter must, if necessary, give way to the will of the former.

'Man up' is a sexist term that should be retired along with all the other gender-based imperious imperatives.

There's not a lot of people expressing anger in the culture. They're expressing a lot of hyper-exaggerated sexuality.

Madison Avenue is afraid of the dark.

To be a hegemon is inherently ambiguous, usually implying some mixture of dominance and legitimacy, that is, being seen as contributing global leadership in a generally benevolent manner.

Today, there are more Americans working than ever before in the history of our Nation, and the average wage of those workers is higher than it has ever been in the history of our Nation.