The Auditors fluttered anxiously. And, as always happens in their species when something goes radically wrong and needs fixing instantly, they settled down to try to work how who was to blame.

There is always time for another last minute

OH, THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING IN THE STOCKING THAT MAKES A NOISE, said Death. OTHERWISE, WHAT IS 4:30 A.M. FOR?

IT'S THE EXPRESSION ON THEIR LITTLE FACES I LIKE, said the Hogfather. "You mean sort of fear and awe and not knowing whether to laugh or cry or wet their pants?" YES. NOW THAT IS WHAT I CALL BELIEF.

Hello, inner child, I'm the inner babysitter!

HUMAN BEINGS MAKE LIFE SO INTERESTING. DO YOU KNOW, THAT IN A UNIVERSE SO FULL OF WONDERS, THEY HAVE MANAGED TO INVENT BOREDOM. (Death)

Some things are fairly obvious when it's a seven-foot skeleton with a scythe telling you them

Dullness. Only humans could have invented it. What imaginations they had.

YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES."So we can believe the big ones?"YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.

It's supposed to be jolly, with mistletoe and holly... and other things ending in olly.

We often hear that mathematics consists mainly of 'proving theorems.' Is a writer's job mainly that of 'writing sentences?

It's not that people don't know when they'll die. It's that they don't seem to know they'll die.

No precautions, and no precautionary principle, can avoid problems that we do not yet foresee. We need a stance of problem-fixing, not just problem-avoidance.

I don't know if I change my act from century to century. Sometimes I'm onstage doing imitations and references to people who have been dead for 50 years.

Men profess to be lovers of music, but for the most part they give no evidence in their opinions and lives that they have heard it.

If you want to be angry at Gore, be angry at him for not fighting harder in Florida.

But there is a different between mending someone who's broken and finding someone who makes you complete.

Alexander Payne's very specific. His scripts are always complete when you start working on them.

The audience loves to figure things out. They love it when a performer leaves a trail of bread crumbs for them, and they get to participate in the comedy.

It's so nice to get flowers while you can still smell the fragrance.