Television is never more false than when it's openly sincere.

Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've stolen.

My life needs editing.

People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn't explain why I'm lonely.

I've arranged with my executor to be buried in Chicago. Because when I die, I want to still remain active politically.

When Obama ran, he said, We can change the world! The world: can you change it back?!

There's a danger our fiscal bankruptcy might overtake our moral bankruptcy.

A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now.

Remember that no matter how selfish, how cruel, how unfeeling you have been today, every time you take a breath, you make a flower happy.

The fact is that you can't have a good relationship with a girl who hasn't settled things with her father.

One thing about being narrow-minded: you'll never be lonely.

Christmas seems to say that paradise lost and longed for does not have to be paradise given up on.

When you make a man ashamed, you make him dangerous.

Your WHY for your BRAND is more important than the HOW.

Anger is the resentment of the animal, and gentle blood alone makes the gentleman.

Every time John Travolta assaults a masseur, a scientologist gets their wings.

So many times nowadays it's about having two good songs on an album and a bunch of filler, and I wanted to make something that I felt every song on the album was fun for everybody.

When you look at good governance, you also need to look at how you approach the subject.

Women can do nothing that has permanence.

A 'penchant for telling the truth' can cripple a candidates chances faster than being caught in flagrante delicto with the governor's wife.

Success is somebody else's failure.