Stand-up is just me trying to be as funny as possible in the most concentrated hour with me standing on stage with no storyline, no plot line, and no character development.

Do you think pandas know they're Chinese and they're taking the one child policy a bit too seriously?

The thing about crazy people; they don't know they are crazy, that's what make them crazy.

I'm not scared of dying, because I'm an atheist. I won't even know I'm dead. You know why? Because I'll be fùckin' dead.

Christians are like a thirteen year old kid who still believes in Santa.

Here's the thing about people who believe in god... They're idiots.

We have a drinking game in Australia, it's called drinking.

Nobody cares that you're smart and nobody cares that your kids don't have bruises.

God built the world, but he did not know it was round.

I definitely think the formula to making my character seem sweet is to let him act like a jerk, give him a redeeming moment, and have a sweet song playing over the background when it happens.

I've never been the type of guy that had a lot of friends or was part of the cool group.

I looked at an angel today, but the angel could not see me. The angel was more amazing than beautiful, like the best forgotten dream.

If the if isn't an if, what if is an if that if has to be replaced by an if that if shall never if that the place of if.

There's nothing unmanly about surrender. It takes a brave man to give in.

I indulged the wild child inside of me - the one that's not aware of danger or fear - for the purity of existence for that character in that film. Of course, behind me they're saying, 'She's crazy!'

For the scientific acquisition of knowledge is almost as tedious as the routine acquisition of wealth.

Medicine is incredibly ritualistic.

The Mill gets by going.

I mean, think of Flint. I mean, think of the lead poisoning of thousands of poor and black children across the United States.

I have never designed a language for its own sake.

You can create fashion everywhere in the world, but the place where you are crowned is Paris.