Sports are an acceptable way for men to show emotion. A guy who won't hug his kid will slip a guy a tongue in a sports bar when his team wins.

You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend.

The only difference between the women I've dated and Charles Manson is that Manson has the decency to look like a nut case when you first meet him.

In life your dreams may not come true, but sooner or later one of your nightmares will.

Today, I bought a pastrami sandwich: $13.75. Walked back out in the street - genuine Rolex watch: six bucks.

Fifty per cent of all marriages end in divorce. But look at the bright side: the other 50 per cent end in death.

Live each day as if it were the last day of your life because, so far, it is.

The way I see life, it's like we're all flying on the Hindenburg, why fight over the window seats?

I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I'm thinking, okay, here's a gal who's capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future.

Success is like toilet paper, it only seems important when you don't have it.

Say whatever you want. But the United States has a kickass military and really good bullshit marketing people. If this country was a person it would be a used car salesman with a flamethrower.

The only thing limiting your aspiration is your imagination.

When we possess something without knowing its value, we abuse it.

We effect more than we can possibly know. With every mood, every thought, every word, every gesture, we change our lives and our universe.

Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.

Despair, when not the response to absolute physical and moral defeat is, like war, the failure of imagination.

I never say who I'm going to vote for, I never tell.

But why should I cast myself in the ancient female part of victim of men's plots and passions?

I don't have to think. My only job is to show up and win.

A prude is a person who thinks that his own rules of propriety are natural laws.

Rewrite, rewrite, rewrite, don't be precious about your first draft, it's an architectural blueprint to a whole building, be your own worst critic, confront your weakness and remember it's a craft.