Some of us will never ever find true love. Take, for instance me. And I'm pretty sure that guy right there. And that lady with the sideburns. And basically everybody at table nine.

I sing seriously to my mom on the phone. To put her to sleep, I have to sing 'Maria' from West Side Story. When I hear her snoring, I hang up.

I immediately said yes for one reason and one reason only....Netflix rhymes with Wet Chicks.

Chemistry can be a good and bad thing. Chemistry is good when you make love with it. Chemistry is bad when you make crack with it.

Hanukkah is...the festival of lights, instead of one day of presents, we get eight crazy nights

Alright, remember, alcohol equals puke equals smelly mess equals nobody likes you.

It's hard to soar with the eagles when you're surrounded by turkeys.

On this lovely, lovely Hanukkah, drink your gin and tonica.

Feels good to try, but playing a father, I'm getting a little older. I see now that I'm taking it more serious and I do want that lifestyle.

Of course, I peed my pants, everyone my age pees their pants. It's the coolest.

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink, put you to bed when youve had too much to drink. Oh, it could be so nice to grow old with you, I wanna grow old with you.

Can you smell his sweat? That peculiar goatish odor is trans-3-methyl-2 hexenoic acid. Remember it, it's the smell of schizophrenia.

...cities are murky places - hatching grounds for monsters...

I ask the people of Connecticut for their forgiveness, I should have paid more attention to people around me and people that I trusted but I am sorry for my actions and take full responsibility.

I guess you could say I've been writing all my life.

People have a hard time believing that, but not having a father around, being shy, I just never participated in sports much.

Novel writing should never be confused with journalism. Unfortunately, in the case of Primary Colors, a fair number of journalists confused.

Not art and science only, but patience will be required for the work.

Frederick Douglass had to teach himself how to read before standing up to defeat slavery.

I'm not trying to have my whole life out there in the media.

The mind has transformed the world, and the world is repaying it with interest. It has led man where he had no idea how to go.