So many people counted on me to be the party, I had to move far enough away that they wouldn't want to drive there.

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

I called a detox center - just to see how much it would cost: $13,000 for three weeks! My friends, if you can come up with thirteen grand, you don't have a problem yet.

There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out.

Obviously I'm not a role model for impressionable youth.

Every generation has someone who steps outside the norm and offers a voice for the unspeakable attitudes of that time. I represent everything that's supposed to be wrong, everything that's forbidden.

It occurred to me that there wouldn't be world hunger, if you people would MOVE WHERE THE FOOD IS!!!

Real comedy doesn't just make people laugh and think, but makes them laugh and change.

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rimshots during the vows.

Lick the alphabet. It makes you appear creative, it's an easy diagram to remember, it's like "aaaaa.... beeeee.... ceeee.

Folks, I've been straight for seventeen days... Not all in a row.

To experience peace ~ stop disturbing it!

When we are depleted our giving is empty. Today I take a moment to recharge, fill up with love for my life and all of its character so that I may give from a place of overflowing.

You know what I think about violence. For me it is profoundly moral -more moral than compromises and transactions.

The trouble with men of sense is that they are so dreadfully in earnest all the while.

Jealously is more common than loyalty.

My grandma said - when I was really young and I'd sing along to the radio - why do you sing in an American accent? I guess it was because a lot of the music I was listening to had American vocalists.

The comic spirit masquerades in all things we say and do. We are each a clown and do not need to put on a white face.

Well, of course I would choose to be the top scientist in my field.

I too entered the Lager as a nonbeliever, and as a nonbeliever I was liberated and have lived to this day.

Banks lend by creating credit. They create the means of payment out of nothing.