Slugs crawl and crawl over our cabbages, like the world's slander over a good name. You may kill them, it is true; but there is the slime.

The only athletic sport I ever mastered was backgammon.

Earth is here so kind, that just tickle her with a hoe and she laughs with a harvest.

After all there is something about a wedding-gown prettier than in any other gown in the world.

A man never so beautifully shows his own strength as when he respects a woman's softness.

He is one of those wise philanthropists who, in a time of famine, would vote for nothing but a supply of toothpicks.

A coquette is like a recruiting sergeant, always on the lookout for fresh victims.

Quality, not quantity, is my measure.

Marriage is like wine. It is not be properly judged until the second glass.

A man is in no danger so long as he talks his love; but to write it is to impale himself on his own pothooks.

Grumblers deserve to be operated upon surgically; their trouble is usually chronic.

People go on marrying because they can't resist natural forces, although many of them may know perfectly well that they are possibly buying a month's pleasure with a life's discomfort.

I was so sure that I knew what they needed and what I wanted to sell them that I never stopped long enough to find out what it was they wanted to buy.

A man separated from his reflective belt is no man at all.

I heard that [Clarkson] said some petty things about someone I care deeply about, so I just made some petty remarks 'cause I'm a petty guy.

One-time Guinness World Record holder for Yo-Yo endurance.

Human paleontology shares a peculiar trait with such disparate subjects as theology and extraterrestrial biology: it contains more practitioners than objects for study.

A noble deed is a step towards heaven.

I've seen beautiful actresses get spat at or just someone trying to get a rise out of them so they can get an extra hundred bucks for a photo. It's really rough.

We wouldn't want to be like the Swiss, would we? That would be awful! We'd be rich!

To be choiceless is to be in meditation. To be choiceless is to enter the eternal.