President Bush fell off his bicycle this weekend and you know what was really sad? It's a stationary bike.

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

I don't like romance, I don't like sadness. The sadness motion is negative one... as much you are sad as more deeper you go and you want to return the thing which you can't.

Science, not religion, has taught me my most useful values, among them intellectual honesty. It is better to go without answers than to accept those that merely resolve puzzlement.

If others would but reflect on mathematical truths as deeply and as continuously as I have, they would make my discoveries.

Comics don't like to see other comics do well.

I'm mellower now, I'm over 50. But I don't think I'm too mellow. I'm still angry at a lot of things.

I love fighting. One thing that is the key to that is I always love training. I love to. And I never drink before, no alcohol in my life, no smoke, nothing. I love training.

As a father of young girls, I want to publicly thank all women who dress and carry themselves like ladies. Your example is a gift.

There's a lot of negativity in the world. I'm trying to be positive.

But Obama is a cool cat. We've seen that before: when he suffered reverses he didn't react immediately. He took a couple of days to react.