(On seeing a former lover for the first time in years) I thought I told you to wait in the car.

I think the Republican party should be placed in drydock and have the barnacles scraped off its bottom.

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.

I have three phobias which, could I mute them, would make my life as slick as a sonnet, but as dull as ditch water: I hate to go to bed, I hate to get up, and I hate to be alone.

Only good girls keep diaries. Bad girls don't have time.

If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.

Too many of our countrymen rejoice in stupidity, look upon ignorance as a badge of honor. They condemn everything they don't understand.

All my life I've been terrible at remembering people's names. I once introduced a friend of mine as Martini. Her name was actually Olive.

Fill what is empty, empty what is full, and scratch where it itches.

My father warned me about men and booze but he never said anything about women and cocaine.

They aren't making mirrors like they use to.

One, who has passed through one pain, gets the strength to pass through many pains. Then he becomes the expert in passing through the pains.

You can victory overcome every situation by faith and hope.

Our beliefs about our abilities and the capabilities we have are usually the limiting reactants in the chain reaction of our lives.

People can't measure the amount of heart you have and how much you're willing to fight for something.

Our mandate at Nerdist is that we only get involved with nice people around things that we love. We have the luxury of being in the demographic that we're programming for.

In youth the human body drew me and was the object of my secret and natural dreams. But body after body has taken away from me that sensual phosphorescence which my youth delighted in.

No opinion that cannot stand discussion or criticism is worth holding.

I don't want to be a spokesperson.

I had very modest expectations when I first moved to New York. I didn't even expect to get a record deal.

There's a negative connotation to internet trolls, but at the same time this is becoming mainstream. This kind of speech pattern, the way people speak, this is common on the internet.