Obamacare takes effect in less than eight months. Do you realize what this means? If you go to the emergency room now, you'll be covered by the time you finally see a doctor.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

The good news is that God gave us imaginations because he wanted us to take a tour into our future, see what’s there for us and then we prepare to relocate into it!

Ronan didn't need physics. He could intimidate even a piece of plywood into doing what he wanted.

There is no greater will on earth than the will to survive. These fine people, answering my father's call to arms, had the will in spades and droves. - Lord Tristan Dracanburh, Ethandun

God plants our spiritual giftings deep, so it will take years to claim them, but that gives Him time to refine His message in our hearts.

I believe that water is the only drink for a wise man.

I mean, the men in Hollywood event is every day - it's called Hollywood.

To make something you have to be something.

Let us live in as small a circle as we will, we are either debtors or creditors before we have had time to look around.

I should like to be a horse.

I got love for my brother but we can never go nowhere unless we share with each other.