ORTHOGRAPHY, n. The science of spelling by the eye instead of the ear.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

...goals not bathed in prayer or brought in humility before the Lord turn out to be downright useless. They don't go anywhere. They don't accomplish anything.

The only depth where I can breathe, and don't need to fight for air, is in your love.

The mind's passion is all for singling out. Obscurity has another tale to tell.

The Left corrupts everything it touches

This disease they call 'rap' - some kind of rhythmic pulse is going by, while some sociopathic idiot is belching out grade school poetry.

Of the whole sum of human life no small part is that which consists of a man's relations to his country, and his feelings concerning it.

The secret was a hole in the middle of me that every happy thing fell into.

If you're a singer you lose your voice. A baseball player loses his arm. A writer gets more knowledge, and if he's good, the older he gets, the better he writes.

Marilyn was terrible to work with. I was fond of her, she was a nice girl, but she was a damaged girl. She was very difficult. You couldn't get her on the set; she didn't know the words.

Good books get praised, bad books get praised. Good books get ignored, bad books get ignored