No one knows who the real me is, so I can be a hundred different kinds of me.

Everybody's trying to leave their mark on the world. That's why there's graffiti and babies.

Turkeys are peacocks that have really let themselves go.

I diagnosed my loneliness as premature empty nest syndrome.

He resisted for a while and there were some legal boundaries, you know, keeping me from being near him or his family, but in the end, love overcame. And I got what I wanted. I always get what I want.

Most of the people I know in comedy are not weird or messed up.

I would love for people to know that the label feminist is something that everyone should wear proudly, because it just means that you support women.

This is very ambitious, but I don't care. I'm just gonna go ahead and find Amelia Earhart. Every day that goes by, I just fear the worst for her.

I think I've always had a disconnect from what I'm supposed to be like.

You know, quite a few species of fish require two or more sexual partners.

Fingernails are for opening things and toenails are for storing precious minerals off the ground.

George Foreman looks as if he might have organically appeared out of the very ground around the church.

Humor is the affectionate communication of insight.

Every time John Travolta assaults a masseur, a scientologist gets their wings.

There are two kinds of writers; the great ones who can give you truths, and the lessor ones, who can only give you themselves.

A photograph can look anyway. It just depends basically on what you photograph.

I was born in Cuba but was made in the USA.

If French is no longer the language of a power, it can be the language of a counter power.

The greatest success is creating whatever you want without conditions. I don't do commissions unless I really want to, because it's like having a job.

You know, Katie Couric is one of my favorite people.