No girl who is going to marry need bother to win a college degree; she just naturally becomes a "Master of Arts" and a "Doctor of Philosophy" after catering to an ordinary man for a few years.

A wise woman puts a grain of sugar into everything she says to a man, and takes a grain of salt with everything he says to her.

Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.

Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.

Love, like a chicken salad or restaurant hash, must be taken with blind faith or it loses its flavor.

Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning hand springs or eating with chopsticks. It looks easy until you try it.

A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say it.

A bride at her second marriage does not wear a veil. She wants to see what she is getting.

A good woman inspires a man, a brilliant woman interests him, a beautiful woman fascinates him, but a sympathetic woman gets him.

Wedding: the point at which a man stops toasting a woman and begins roasting her.

The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.

It's important to realize that sometimes the information you need is hidden behind the information available.

It shouldn’t surprise us…to find that prayer is not finally about getting things from God, but getting God.

When I finally applied logic to Religion that was when I quit paying after life insurance and quit going

The most romantic thing I ever did to my woman? I painted her toenails!

Creeds and castes, and all forms of intellectual and emotional grouping, belong to the past.

Why is the King of Hearts the only one that hasn't a moustache?

We know that the organised workers of the country are our friends. As for the rest, they don't matter a tinker's cuss.

Great leaders see money as fuel, not a destination.

I don't agree with this romantic fantasy that people who suffer from depression are more likely to be artists. I find that I am more creative when I am happy actually.

Never ask for someone's thoughts on autism unless you are prepared to hear a story that doesn't resemble your own.