New York City is filled with the same kind of people I left New Jersey to get away from.

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Think before you speak. Read before you think.

My favorite animal is steak.

The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.

A hobby is, of course, an abomination, as are all consuming interests and passions that do not lead directly to large, personal gain.

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

There are two modes of transport in Los Angeles: car and ambulance. Visitors who wish to remain inconspicuous are advised to choose the latter

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

You can live opposite of what you profess, but you cannot live opposite of what you believe.

Hazing is an extraordinary activity that, when it occurs often enough, becomes perversely ordinary as those who engage in it grow desensitized to its inhumanity.

It is true, I never assisted the sun materially in his rising, but doubt not, it was of the last importance only to be present at it.

Because our lies matched. It was a sign.

Like my father, I am very impatient. I have a strong bullshit detector. I may finish one book in twenty that I have started.

Every role that you don't get burns you for a while.

You can't reason someone out of something that they weren't reasoned into in the first place.

My whole life, meeting people is like a blind date, because I feel like they've already seen the video on me.

Come forward, some great marshal, and organize equality in society, and your rod shall swallow up all the juggling old court gold-sticks

A pretty girl is certainly comparable to a good horse.