My theory about Taylor Swift is that she's a virgin, that everyone breaks up with her because they date her for two weeks and she's like, 'I'm not gonna do it'.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

Every actor has his own identity. I don't aspire to be Bond. My quest is to do something new, something different.

I think the future and the past are equally hypothetical.

[We need] to keep immigration levels measured by population share within historical norms.

For one, I think as a missionary you gotta be stubborn. And you gotta try to be persuasive.

You can't play sports without losing sometimes and, in losing, you learn something about grace and how to act under pressure.

I believe there is only one truly courageous thing we can do with our lives: to love unconditionally. Absolutely, with all of ourselves, so much that it hurts and then more.

Hydraulic fracking is very much a necessary part of the future of natural gas.

[In 2007] People's relationship with a brand is becoming a dialog, not a monolog.

To think of playing cricket for hard cash! Money and gentility would ruin any pastime under the sun.

I'd hate to see any descendants of mine fall into the category of what I'd call 'idle rich' - a group I've never had much use for.