My stand-up is more like how I am in real life. I don't really do a character thing in stand-up. It's just a bunch of sentences that are supposed to be funny.

You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name -- and you've never been to that bar before.

I would start a revolution, but I just bought a hammock.

I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

If you read my blog, you know I'm a pilates freak. And by pilates, I mean waffles.

Tigers love pepper...they hate cinnamon.

Whether you are on the Right or the Left, everyone can agree that there are a lot of outside influences in American politics that are not good for the system. There's just too much money.

You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.

I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver.

I have to stop crying when I watch "The View". It's not because of the topics at hand, I just feel sorry for that couch.

Surround yourself with things that inspire you every day. Let go of everything that drains your inspiration.

You can truly value life, when you have looked Death in the eyes and held its hand.

I know many writers who first dictate passages, then polish what they have dictated. I speak, then I polish - occasionally I do windows.

Those who don't hate evil hate those who do

For many people, one of the most frustrating aspects of life is not being able to understand other people's behavior.

Our faults are apt to assume giant and exaggerated forms to our eyes in youth.

It doesn't do a lot of good for your health to move from red meat to white meat, but it gets you further down the road towards making more substantial changes later.

Learn spiritual sciences, to recognize God and gain access to Him, no matter what religion or sect you belong to!

Sometimes discipline, which means "to teach," is confused with criticism.