My name is Zach Galifianakis and I hope I'm pronouncing that right. I'm named after my granddad, my middle name. My name is Zach Granddad Galifianakis.

You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name -- and you've never been to that bar before.

I would start a revolution, but I just bought a hammock.

I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

If you read my blog, you know I'm a pilates freak. And by pilates, I mean waffles.

Tigers love pepper...they hate cinnamon.

Whether you are on the Right or the Left, everyone can agree that there are a lot of outside influences in American politics that are not good for the system. There's just too much money.

You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.

I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver.

I have to stop crying when I watch "The View". It's not because of the topics at hand, I just feel sorry for that couch.

With love, accept everything that life has to offer you. Life will be easy, kind, magnificent, and magical to you.

His eyebrows raised. "And you said demons didn't know love."Guido's laugh was harsh. "Ahh, but haven't you learned by now, bestia? Demons may not be able to lie, but we never tell the truth.

There are good leaders who actively guide and bad leaders who actively misguide. Hence, leadership is about persuasion, presentation and people skills.

When I really need it, talking is the best way to deal with emotional pain.

I always thought writing was the foundation and the basis for journalism in the same way being able to draw is the foundation for art.

If you fall in love with somebody, then you're not even worried about your bills. Love can take your mind off of anything.

Every actor is different so you cannot become best friends on Day One. You just have to learn to know each other.

We will not anticipate the past; so mind, young people,-our retrospection will be all to the future.

When you can't cheat the game, you'd best find a means to cheat the players.

What you ride and how you choose to ride is such a dynamic part of what this contest [ Ultra Natural] is built for.