My mom and dad are both in stand-up comedy, so that's where I started, that's where I got everything. My roots are holding the mic.

I was one of the first veejays to take the camera out on location, and that's what was unique about MTV at that time.

I kind of was raised at The Comedy Store by comedians. When you see my dad on stage before me and then you see me, you'll see where I got a lot of my stuff.

Serious and intense people, they drain you. But someone who's an idiot, like myself, they're fun. You either hate me or you love me.

Whenever someone dies everyone says, I love that guy, except for Jeffrey Dahmer.

I want to do an 'Extreme Makeover' show. You know that MTV show 'I Want To Have A Famous Face'? Well, I want to do a new show. I want to have a different famous face.

My mom is two people to me. She's my mom number one, and then she's this lady most comedians know as being a legendary owner of a nightclub that's responsible for starting a lot of heavy careers.

I liked Evel Knievel, and that game Mouse Trap. That was pretty cool.

I giggle when I put myself down. It's just funny to me.

Comedy wasn't something I chose - it chose me.

I'm not used to getting good reviews.

A good marriage is good because one or both of them have learned to overlook the other's faults, to love the other as they are and to not attempt to change them or bring them to repentance.

Power and control are an illusion, all we have are the relationship of measured things and incomplete descriptions.

Every boy needs a role model that he can be proud of and talk about to the other kids in the playground.

It is when we notice the dirt that God is most present in us; it is the very sign of His presence.

I like the assumption that everyone is trying his best, and we should all just be kind to each other.

Dieting makes me want to murder everyone around me.

I actually feel most relaxed when I'm working.

Real men hold themselves accountable for stuff.

There are two things I will never do in my life. I will never climb Mount Everest, and I will never work with Val Kilmer again. There isn't enough money in the world.

If it is not a mess, it is not progress.