My dad always said to go for my hobby and used to commend me for my excellent judgement so i try to do the similar for my children.

Lobster is not going to be as tasty with ice tea unless that ice tea is from Long Island.

I remember I was in music class, I was a senior in high school, and my music teacher was like, "You should be a stand-up comic, you could imitate anyone.

In my day we used to have pray to run into an ex looking great, but now you just post a selfie in your underwear.

God did not put you on this earth simplest to be any person's mom.

I thought that unless people know me, they wouldn't find me funny.

My music teacher told me that she didn't even know why I was going to college - I should be a stand-up.

The most important thing as a comic and a creator is to have a robust standpoint.

The words of men cannot be trusted, especially men like you!

I am unable to tolerate’

Although we look at ourself as One, in the real world we always experience ourself as TWO.

But we live in a karaoke society... Many people feel they have to dance to someone else's tune, to sing someone else's song.

Humor has been the balm of my life, but it's been reserved for those close to me, not part of the public Lana.

I don't like PG-13 horror movies. I think they're a contradiction in terms.

Disease is a disturbed condition, not a thing or entity.

If you think there is such a thing as an unimportant game, just try losing one.

Sometimes, Edie, a person's feelings aren't rational. At least, they don't seem that way on the surface. You have to dig a little deeper to understand what lies at the base

I think if I were a superhero saving the world, I'd expect at least not to have to pay income taxes. I mean there should be something in it for a hero who risks his life to save mankind every day.