My advice to graduates is to stay positive. Life is short, and you'll be dead soon.

People always want to compare their dogs to having kids. That's insulting. First of all, nobody has a dog because they were too drunk to pull out.

It's all about self-esteem now. Build the kids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves. If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who's gonna dance in our strip-clubs?

Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life. If Bill Gates had got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?

You try not to have a favorite when you have sons or kids. Can't have a favorite. Can't let them know know if you do. I don't. I treat my main son and the other two exactly the same way.

In catholisism we have an entire religion based on a woman who really stuck to her story

If you're going to dedicate your career to ranting about the excesses of American capitalism, you probably shouldn't weigh 450 pounds.

People come to this country from all over the world to pursue their dreams of driving a taxi or selling hot dogs or working in a sweatshop.

Seventy-two virgins - does that make sense to anyone? And it's an ancient religion, maybe it was misinterpreted? Maybe it's not 72 virgins, maybe it's a 7-foot-2 Persian.

I like when people give up chocolate for Lent. Ooh, just like being nailed to a cross.

We're a spoiled, lazy culture, full of ethnic pride that has to have a parade for every nationality.

I had every reason to quit, but you were the reason I wanted it all again.

I have always thought it would be easier to redeem a man steeped in vice and crime than a greedy, narrow-minded, pitiless merchant.

The Nightmare Before Christmas is my number one biggest influence artistically in every way.

The purpose of morality is to teach you, not to suffer and die, but to enjoy yourself and live.

Some people have written that my writing has helped them go on. It has helped me too. The writing, the roses, the 9 cats.

There's a certain grace in accepting what your life is and embracing all the good things that have been - but there's still an expectation of good things to come. Not necessarily what you expected.

I am seeing a resurgence of entertainment that not only entertains, but inspires, evokes, and moves. I am seeing strength in the ability of artistic expression to change our future.

I'm not the one who was elected." Although she disagreed with her husband on "a lot of issues," she emphasized, "I would never do anything to undermine my husband's point of view.

We waste a lot of time running after people we could have caught by just standing still.

The surest sign that God is alive in you is joy.