Mr Lipwig, there's a lady in the hall to see you and we've thanked her for not smoking three times and she's still doing it!

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

Grace will dropinto your pocketon a day of waning light-

In my experience, people who want to keep their painful injuries are using them as a crutch. They’re hiding from something.

Hunger is not an issue of charity. It is an issue of justice.

I think I've seen the first 'RoboCop' like 15 or 20 times. I'm like a kid that way.

It is not enough to take steps which may someday lead to a goal; each step must be itself a goal and a step likewise.

Children do run from me. And so do some adults.

Having a baby is painful in order to show how serious a thing life is.

In my early days, I didn't know what a good film or a bad film was, and I was trying to make some money. As it happens I was lucky. I made some good films.

History is an argument without end.

Raphael paints wisdom, Handel sings it, Phidias carves it, Shakespeare writes it, Wren builds it, Columbus sails it, Luther preaches it, Washington arms it, Watt mechanizes it.