Most single guys I know think fatherhood is terrifying.

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

Everybody's got a true home—maybe not where they're living, butwhere their heart lives.

Nothing is impossible for pure love.

It was a shameful thing that she had nothing of which to be ashamed.

The trouble with this country is that there are too many politicians who believe, with a conviction based on experience, that you can fool all of the people all of the time.

Every new idea is just a mashup or a remix of one or more previous ideas.

Try to focus on the things that you do have instead of obsessing over things you don't

Happiness is not the end of life: character is.

The chief service I owe you, O God, is that every thought and word of mine should speak of you.

If you want to love God better, hate sin more.

We're not going to play the blues anymore. Let the white folks play the blues. They got 'em, so they can keep 'em.