Maybe it was me," Grandma said."Sometimes they sneak out.Did I fart?

You're a marshmallow. Soft and sweet and when you get heated up you go all gooey and delicious."-

I shot that sucker right in the gumpy." Grandma Mazur

The 'Barnaby' books were always intended to be graphic novels.

I'm done with men. I have a hamster. That's all I need.

When I was six years old I sprinkled sugar on my head, convinced myself it was pixie dust, wished myself invisible, and walked into the boys' bathroom at school.

My Spanish is limited to burrito and taco.

Calories don’t count if they’re connected to a celebration. Everyone knows this.

-You're gloating, Max. It's not flattering. Somebody needs to teach you a little humility.- -A good woman could do that.- -She'd have to be armed and dangerous.-

Its always nice to have a stud muffin at the table.

Only men you can count on these days are Ben and Jerry.

Haven’t I proved to you yet that I don’t give a damn about your missing parts?

The Government is making a fool of itself by attributing all terrorism and acts against the government only to one single patriot

Do billboard salesmen record their sales on charts? If so, who's at the top of the billboard charts for billboard sales?

I'm so glad I spent 10 years being sad and lonely.

If a character dies, you get to do a big, juicy death scene. But the flip side is you're out of the sequel, which is where the real money is.

I've studied men from my topsy-turvy Close, and I reckon, rather true. Some are fine fellows: some, right scurvy; Most, a dash between the two.

It is impossible to worship God and remain unchanged

Government can't give us anything without depriving us of something else.

The vision that God gives is not some unattainable castle in the sky, but a vision of what God wants you to be down here.

Lochie. The boy I once loved. The boy I still love. The boy I will continue to love, even when my part in this world is over too.