Just because things are obvious doesn't mean they're true.

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

Assume everything you put on the Internet can and will be seen not only by the person you're talking about, but your future romantic partners and bosses, too.

It's a mystery to me how anyone ever gets any nourishment in this place. They must eat their meals standing up by the window so as to be sure of not missing anything.

I have heard more than once, 'Shut up and sing!' and I get it now.

When I was four, I asked my mother for a valet for my birthday.

I am not the Prime Minister of French capitalism. I am the Prime Minister of France.

A man can take a little bourbon without getting drunk, but if you hold his mouth open and pour in a quart, he's going to get sick on it.

Our vocation, to be beautiful, must be full of thought for others.

Divinity is not a fashion. It is the way of life. It is the need of your being. You have to become that.

The secret story is the one we'll never know, although we're living it from day to day, thinking we're alive, thinking we've got it all under control and the stuff we overlook doesn't matter.

A smile from an attractive woman at a bar very rarely ends up in any sort of sexual encounter. But a man is a fool not to push the suggestion as far as it will go, and he's that man.