Ivanka Trump is for climate change. Ivanka is all for single-parent families, and so she's as close to liberal as you're gonna get in her dad's inner circle.

If Thomas Jefferson thought taxation without representation was bad, he should see how it is with representation.

Poverty is not the root cause of crime.

Liberals attempt through judicial activism what they cannot win at the ballot box.

We're not sexists, we're chauvinists - we're male chauvinist pigs, and we're happy to be because we think that's what men were destined to be. We think that's what women want.

End results that work that don’t involve government threaten liberals.

You know why there's a Second Amendment? In case the government fails to follow the first one.

Styrofoam and plastic milk jugs are biodegradable! Do you know what isn't biodegradable? Paper!

I think cigars are just a tremendous addition to the enjoyment of life.

The NAACP should have riot rehearsal. They should get a liquor store and practice robberies.

In a country of children where the option is Santa Claus or work, what wins?

Hockey is a tough game.

Patience and perseverance are necessary in autosuggestion, as well as in everything else.

The Presidency is not a bed of roses.

It is a good thing to make mistakes so long as you're found out quickly.

We all live in a televised goldfish bowl.

There really is no difference between the bully and the victim.

Husband: a man who buys his football tickets four months in advance and waits until the day before his anniversary to buy his wife a gift.

Come, let me know what it is that makes a Scotch man happy!

I like the idea of democracy. You have to have someone everyone distrusts.

There are certain scenes that would awe an atheist into belief, without the help of other argument.