It was only a few years ago that I couldn't get hired to save my life.

Last year people won more than one billion dollars playing poker. And casinos made twenty-seven billion just by being around those people.

Don't judge me. I made a lot of money.

Kids do have to learn that life is a humiliating charade of endless disappointment and tragedy ultimately culminating in pain, decay, and death. My parents used to sing me to sleep with that one.

I'm capable of living in the moment. And I'm especially capable of living in the moment of sitting on my sofa and watching other people's moments.

I dislike Ted Cruz as much as the next everyone. But that's no reason to be rude to Ted's loving wife and possible hostage.

There's a danger zone if you take yourself too seriously. It's a terrible trap to fall into. I think it's the death of comedy.

It's like you can't even go on the radio anymore and condemn a whole subset of people to hell without getting some blowback.

I continue to be very shy. I think a lot of actors and performers are really weird, shy people working it out onstage. I don't know why that is.

You don't want to be glib; you want to treat every story respectfully.

I grew up an only child, so I was so much more adult. My eldest daughter is 10, and I was so much more of an adult than she is. She just doesn't care for the real world. She's not interested.

A man can live on his wits and his balls for only so long.

Everywhere, even in the blackest abyss, he believed one might witness the divine. The shadows and contrast―absence itself―as important as the light and marble, for one cannot exist without the other.

not knowing what I needed to do or where I needed to go, I knew all the same that I was going in the right direction.

The older I got, the smarter my teachers became.

I despise 'animal welfare.' That's like saying, 'Let's beat the slaves three times a week instead of five times a week'.

When we have begun to take charge of our lives, to own ourselves, there is no longer any need to ask permission of someone.

Could I do with a little life editing? Would that give me a little more freedom? Maybe a little more time?

I regret nothing, says arrogance; I will regret nothing, says inexperience.

There is no such thing as #1 in art.

I have butterflies in my stomach.