Samantha Bee Quotes

Last year people won more than one billion dollars playing poker. And casinos made twenty-seven billion just by being around those people.

Don't judge me. I made a lot of money.

Kids do have to learn that life is a humiliating charade of endless disappointment and tragedy ultimately culminating in pain, decay, and death. My parents used to sing me to sleep with that one.

I'm capable of living in the moment. And I'm especially capable of living in the moment of sitting on my sofa and watching other people's moments.

I dislike Ted Cruz as much as the next everyone. But that's no reason to be rude to Ted's loving wife and possible hostage.

There's a danger zone if you take yourself too seriously. It's a terrible trap to fall into. I think it's the death of comedy.

It's like you can't even go on the radio anymore and condemn a whole subset of people to hell without getting some blowback.

I continue to be very shy. I think a lot of actors and performers are really weird, shy people working it out onstage. I don't know why that is.

I grew up an only child, so I was so much more adult. My eldest daughter is 10, and I was so much more of an adult than she is. She just doesn't care for the real world. She's not interested.

You don't want to be glib; you want to treat every story respectfully.

You've got to have gumption. You've got to be willing to stand up on the stage for no money for ten years.

As a viewer myself, I tend to gravitate toward projects that have a really strong voice of a strong creator.

I think the show does better with newsmakers and politicians than it does with actors.

There's always going to be someone who hates you. There's always going to be people who love you. It's a risk in either direction.

You have to be willing to ask questions that almost no one else would ask.

If it wasn't for what goes on in the world of politics, we wouldn't really have much of a show.

Speaking for myself, I try to go out there on the stage and make jokes with people, so I'm not really thinking about the impact anything I have. If it does resonate with people, that's really great.

A lot of comedy is really DIY. You're kind of doing it yourself.

The worst thing you can do to a dictator is laugh at him.

It's not every day people fly you to New York for auditions.

The best part about poker is there's no down side.

My apartment is the equivalent of one room in my Toronto home. Now I understand why New Yorkers are on the streets at all hours. People don't want to stay inside for fear they'll go crazy.

I hate birthdays. I thought that I only hated my own birthday, and then I realized that I hate my children's birthdays too.

I get maximum satisfaction out of buying children's clothes online.

It is so expensive to take care of my hair and keep it looking like I was born with it, when my real hair is the color of rat fur.

If I could live in New York the rest of my life, I absolutely would, but it's also prohibitively expensive and you have to be working. New York is a lot nicer when you have a job.

I don't think the show would be funny to you if you didn't already have a base of information.

I think NASCAR's coming to Canada now so it'll take on a whole new relevance. Be afraid.

It was only a few years ago that I couldn't get hired to save my life.

I am a cookbook fanatic.

Everybody is agreeing so tersely. I just had a flashback to the month before my parents finally admitted they were getting a divorce.

I want to go to someone's world. I'll buy it if the world is full of zombies - I'll live there if you give me a strong enough vision of what that world looks like.

More people need to inhabit this world.

I don't feel like any of the things we're talking about are going to make the world end.

I never believe them when they say that because you really have to sort of be aware of what's going on in the news in order to get the jokes on the show.

I don't read anything about myself.

I want to get a gold star. And I know that there are places that I need to go in order to get the story right. I'd rather do it right than have to do it twice.

It's very Canadian of me - or maybe it's more the Catholic schoolgirl in me - but I always really want to do a good job.

I'm good at asking other people questions, but I'm not really good at answering questions.

I find Donald Trump so haphazard, and that keeps me up at night.

It's fun to be surrounded by people that you love.

It's great when you have people who will speak passionately and honestly about what they are doing.

There's a very fine line between political comedian and activist, and I don't really think I fall over into the activist category.

If you get mad about how your voice sounds when it comes out of your own mouth, it's not really my fault. Go ahead and be yourself.

It's weird how you can make people feel comfortable, and then ask them an uncomfortable question, but it doesn't ruin their day.

I was brought up to question things, but I was always a really quiet and shy child.

I'm shy, but I'm not clinically shy. I don't have social anxiety disorder or anything like that. I more have a gentle shyness. Like, I have a little trouble mingling at parties.

I was totally unknown in the television and film industry in Canada.

I take my citizenship extremely seriously. I find myself drawn to the Constitution more and more with each passing day of Donald Trump's presidency.

When you can agree on one thing, you should have no expectation that suddenly a person is converted to your way of thinking. You have to be willing to be frustrated constantly.