It's good that people don't like you. That's good. It means that you are doing something interesting.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

Sugar, it's no parade but you'll get down the street one way or another, so you'd just as well throw your shoulders back and pick up the pace.

I have tried everything except being myself!

Adapting old programs to fit new machines usually means adapting new machines to behave like old ones.

Any system described by a power law [...] has several curious effects. The first is that, by definition, most participants are below average.

In scattering seeds of kindness, do it by hand and not by machine.

Bankers play far too great a part in the conduct of industry.

Do you know what prayer is? It is not begging God for this and that. The first thing we have to do is to get you beggars to quit begging until a little faith moves in your souls.

Scarcely any degree of judgment is sufficient to restrain the imagination from magnifying that on which it is long detained

By the time I got to the Fox studio for my first major film, I knew how to hit a mark. I knew how to memorize lines. I knew how to pay attention.

Prayer is an act of love; words are not needed. Even if sickness distracts from thoughts, all that is needed is the will to love.