It is difficult to be funny and great at the same time. Aristophanes and Moliere and Mark Twain must sit below Aristotle and Bossuet and Emerson.

Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.

The landlady of a boarding-house is a parallelogram - that is, an oblong angular figure, which cannot be described, but which is equal to anything

Now, the essence, the very spirit of Christmas is that we first make believe a thing is so, and lo, it presently turns out to be so.

It may be those who do most, dream most.

I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.

A half truth, like half a brick, is always more forcible as an argument than a whole one. It carries better.

Advertising: the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.

There are two things in ordinary conversation which ordinary people dislike - information and wit

I detest life-insurance agents: they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so.

It takes a good deal of physical courage to ride a horse. This, however, I have. I get it at about forty cents a flask, and take it as required.

Dead yet?" Gus answered.I smirked. "Not yet, but the night's still young.""Here's hoping.

If faith makes people buy an entire package of myths and values without asking too many questions, scientists are only slightly better.

The state dinner is almost a formula, but you try to make it interesting. You try not to overload it with too many political types. You try to get a cross section.

Go and fight every day, no matter what's happened the day before or what might happen.

I'm going to put people in my place, so when the history of this administration is written at least there's an authoritarian voice saying exactly what happened.

I'm through with Tolstoy. He has ceased to exist for me.... If I eat a bowl of soup and like it, I know by that fact alone and with absolute certainty that Tolstoy will find it bad, and vice versa.

Some things are private, Ethan. Even for grown-ups.

I've always cared about issues, always thought through problems. I don't know how much that comes from my personality or my mum.

We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.

A day will come when the European god of the nineteenth century will be classed with the gods of Olympus and the Nile.