Advertising: the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.

Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.

The landlady of a boarding-house is a parallelogram - that is, an oblong angular figure, which cannot be described, but which is equal to anything

Now, the essence, the very spirit of Christmas is that we first make believe a thing is so, and lo, it presently turns out to be so.

It may be those who do most, dream most.

I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.

A half truth, like half a brick, is always more forcible as an argument than a whole one. It carries better.

There are two things in ordinary conversation which ordinary people dislike - information and wit

I detest life-insurance agents: they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so.

It takes a good deal of physical courage to ride a horse. This, however, I have. I get it at about forty cents a flask, and take it as required.

The Compleat Angler is acknowledged to be one of the world's books. Only the trouble is that the world doesn't read its books, it borrows a detective story instead.

You should always listen to minotaurs. Anybody with four stomachs has to have a firm grip on reality.

There comes a time to speak your truth and the time is now

If upper management found out, they’d send you off to the Probing Department.

Advice to young Samuel Gompers that might apply in many other areas: "Learn from socialism, but don't join it.

Our imperfections are what create authentic connections with one another.

Seize the day. Well, I aspire to that anyway.

Let us therefore give ourselves to God with a great desire to begin to live thus, and beg Him to destroy in us the life of the world of sin, and to establish His life within us.

If you want to do something very praiseworthy and very saintly, make a child happy!

Laughter is more sacred than prayer, dancing more spiritual than chanting mantras, loving existence more cosmic than going to a church.

I read a lot of Socrates in the off-season. Don't print that, or it'll ruin my rep.