In the sallies of badinage a polite fool shines; but in gravity he is as awkward as an elephant disporting.

There are few mortals so insensible that their affections cannot he gained by mildness, their confidence by sincerity, their hatred by scorn or neglect

In fame's temple there is always a niche to be found for rich dunces, importunate scoundrels, or successful butchers of the human race.

Who conquers indolence conquers all other hereditary sins.

Silence is the safest response for all the contradiction that arises from impertinence, vulgarity, or envy.

The quarter of an hour before dinner is the worst that suitors can choose.

The more you speak of yourself, the more you are likely to lie.

Idlers cannot even find time to be idle, or the industrious to be at leisure. We must always be doing or suffering

A moral lesson is better expressed in short sayings than in long discourse.

Suicides pay the world a bad compliment. Indeed, it may so happen that the world has been beforehand with them in incivility. Granted. Even then the retaliation is at their own expense.

Comedians are not usually actors, but imitations of actors.

What would angel lips taste like? Sunshine? Marshmallows? Or something altogether different? Maybe buttered-popcorn jelly beans.

Art is not a thing it is a way.

I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.

A decent person does not alienate children from a parent, no matter how angry they are at the parent for the divorce. It's unfair to the children, and it's unfair to the other human being

Anything that can be perfect is very damaging for my psyche.

To a right-winger, unions are awful. Why do right-wingers hate unions? Because collective bargaining is the power that a worker has against the corporation. Right-wingers hate that.

If there was a fire at my house I would throw more things on it. The only thing I would take out? Myself!

Dreams are only the image of outward things shown on an inward mirror. But the mirror is the soul's enclosing darkness.

A good library at home is a giant empire inside the house.

Nothing made me happen. I happened.