In our heads we're all about 33 years old.

Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life's cruelest irony.

Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.

You can't fake creativity, competence, or sexual arousal.

Fondue sets, martini shakers and juicing machines: three things the world could live completely without.

If a building looks better under construction than it does when finished, then it's a failure.

Big companies are like marching bands. Even if half the band is playing random notes, it still sounds kind of like music. The concealment of failure is built into them.

Eagles are seagulls with a good hairdo.

We decided that the French could never write user-friendly software because they're so rude.

Is there anything in the world more annoyingly creepy than an unspoken dress code?

When we constantly ask for miracles, we're unraveling the fabric of the world. A world of continuous miracles would not be a world, it would be a cartoon.

I take my food very seriously. Whenever I hear that bell, I know Mrs. Norris is hankerin' for some spam.

If you think that you are living in a stupid country, you can be sure that you are being governed by the most stupid people!

Human beings are consistent with regard to codes of honor, but endlessly fickle with regard to whom those codes apply. E.N. Wilson

No one has a right to hoard things which he cannot use.

If I give you a hint and tell you it's a hint, it will be information.

What you once were isn't what you want to be anymore.

When you look for independence and you get what you want, how come you look back thinking what have I done?

Nobody's going to force me to do something against my will. What do I owe anybody that I should submit my will to them?

Obviously there's Netflix, iTunes, and Amazon and all these other outlets. Fake It So Real is now on Fandor, and I think people have actually seen it there, which is fine.

I found that most people who buy restaurants should never have done it, because they don't understand money.