In London it's easy not to be the focus of attention, especially when Sting lives in the house just behind you.

I've never understood the point of ecstasy. I think if I wanted to get dehydrated and jump about with a load of people I've never met before I could go to a Methodist barn dance.

Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television.

I once went to one of those parties where everyone throws their car keys into the middle of the room. I don't know who got my moped, but I drove that Peugeot for years.

I know I've got a degree. Why does that mean I have to spend my life with intellectuals? I've got a lifesaving certificate but I don't spend my evenings diving for a rubber brick with my pyjamas on.

Life's not fair, is it? Some of us drink champagne in the fast lane, and some of us eat our sandwiches by the loose chippings on the A597.

All my friends started getting boyfriends, but I didn't want a boyfriend, I wanted a thirteen-colour biro.

On a train, why do I always end up sitting next to the woman who's eating the individual fruit pie by sucking the filling out through the hole in the middle?

I can remember when pants were pants. You wore them for twenty years, then you cut them down for pan scrubs. Or quilts.

In Russia, show the least athletic aptitude and they've got you dangling off the parallel bars with a leotard full of hormones.

A man is designed to walk three miles in the rain to phone for help when the car breaks down - and a woman is designed to say, 'you took your time' when he comes back dripping wet.

To get dividends from life, invest in yourself.

Sometimes in life, you have to take difficult steps and tough decisions, in order to achieve something bigger.

...cities are murky places - hatching grounds for monsters...

Giving advice is many times only the privilege of saying a foolish thing one's self, under the pretense of hindering another from doing one.

I'm a huge fan of ghost stories, that sort of slow build, the suspense and the questioning about whether you're imagining something or if it's real.

A movement happens when people are inspired by somebody, but they do it themselves. You don't wait for someone else. You do it yourself.

Nothing so aggravates an earnest person as a passive resistance.

At Rest An American Soldier And Defender of the Constitution.

Those who have been made great have first suffered.

If I were a headmaster, I would get rid of the history teacher and get a chocolate teacher instead and my pupils would study a subject that affected all of them.