If you do talk dirty, make sure that you enunciate because there's nothing more embarrassing than having to repeat yourself.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

May your glory shine so bright that the world sees God's light in all you do!

You were born to live the best of being.

A man and a woman marry because both of them don't know what to do with themselves.

It's amazing how ideas start out, isn't it?

A dream of life comes to me, like a catfish dancing on the end of the line.

Since the law prohibits the keeping of wild animals and I get no enjoyment from pets, I prefer to remain unmarried.

Art is my God, Music is my religion.

The missing links in my life's work, no less!

If I could do just one thing to change the world, I'd make everyone Thom Yorke, and this would be paradise.

The more divided people of color are in a system of white supremacy/privilege, the weaker they will be, both individually and collectively.